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If You Recall from Our Last Episode, The Pumpkin Caught in the Tree Required a Little Hammock to Protect Its Stalk. (Here It Rests Comfortably)  Problem is, I Believe Him to Be One of Those Two-Hundred Pound Mammoths That Mr. Bitterman Insisted on Buying This Year As He Wanted a Jack-O-Lantern That "Made a Statement." (Well, Hernia or Not, HE'S the One Who Is Going to Be Hefting This Sunzabitch Around Come October.)  Bitterman Has Also Taken to Sowing Fries Along the Sidewalk, All in the Hopes of Attracting New "Crow Buddies" to the Yard. (Thank God He's Not Thinking That Sowing These Would Reap Potatoes. We'd Have to Get Him Into One of Those Presidential Cognitive Tests.) ("That, my good sir, is an Elly-font!") One of the Crows is Spelling Out Words in the Fries. With this "Ey!" We're Starting to Call Him "The Fonz."  Here is The Fonz, Beginning His Daily Message to Mr. Bitterman. It Has Progressed Beyond "Ey," To Chemical Formulas Necessary for Nuclear Fusion. We Might Be Onto Something Here.  Meanwhile, Everything is Growing At a High Rate of Speed. The Pumpkins Had to Be Cut Back As They Were Blocking the Water From Everybody Else. And, We've Got a Beautiful Collection of Cucumbers Going. (Not That You Can See Them.)  Wait a Minute. Oh, There They Are ...  (I Keep Losing Them Among the Ornamental Squash.)
Onto the Garden!
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There Comes a Time For Each and Every Backyard Farmer When Imagination Takes the Lead Over Sweat and Worry And Knocking Hailstones Aside with a Jack Kramer/Wilson Tennis Racket  One of the Pumpkins Decided To Shoot a Frond Through the Neighboring Pine Tree Which Left Us With a Baby Pumpkin About 2 Feet Off the Ground With The Wrap from an Old Hose And a Couple of Bungees, I Made the Little Guy a Hammock. Now, if He Turns Out to Be One of the 200 Pound Variety, We'll Have to Re-Think This...  Once Again, Some of the Borage is Doing Nicely. While Others are Being Sucker-Punched By Voles and Pumpkin Vines.  Today, the Game Became "Do We Have Any Cucumbers?" The Answer, After Some Searching, Is Yes.  Yes, Mr. Cuke is in There. Just Try to Find Him.  And, While You're At It, You Might Want to Find Furious George. He Enlisted Becky to Help With the Weeding, Then, Disappeared, Leaving Her to It. He Re-Appeared an Hour Later, With His Fingers Covered with Orange Eating All the Cheesy-Poofs Left Out for the Crow Buddies.
As For Mr. Bitterman, He's Hiding Out Somewhere In the Butterfly Garden. He Wants Nothing to Do With Any Of Us. (He's Convinced the Pumpkin Hammock Was His Idea) (Patent Applied for, US Pat Off. 27941) In Our Last Episode, We Investigated the Jungle of Nora, Where Pumpkin Leaves the Size Of Brazilian Gunnera Manicata Leaves Grow.  With That In Mind, Professor Michael King Decided to Perform an Experiment: Releasing an Ill-Tempered Sphinx Cat Into One End of the Garden In Order to See Where He Came Out. When He Does, We'll Let You Know. And Professor King Can Climb In To Find All the Little Surprises Said Cat Has Left Behind. The Creature in Question: (Note the Condition of the Top Sheet)  Meanwhile, While the Cat Was Away, The Beans Took Off. We've Got a Great Crop of Green Beans Among the Acorn Squash …  … And, the Beginnings of Acorn Squash Among the Green Beans.  With That in Mind, We Also Made Our First Harvest Today Wax Beans. They're Real Beans, But They're Wax. Not Like Paraffin Wax, But Wax Beans. Not Like The Wax Fruit Grandma Had in the Bowl on Her Dining Room Table That You Ate and Barfed for a Full Afternoon, But Real Wax Beans. Beans. Not Wax. Wax Beans! (Oh, for God's Sake, Ignore the Wax Part!) 
And, Young Otis Gumpox Has Decided to Stick Around Here And Pick Up Where Furious Left Off. He Pretends to Drink Martini's With the Bat Shit Crazy Neighbors. Then, He Excuses Himself, Goes Inside, And Steals All Their Toilet Paper.  Well, At Least Now We Know Who Has Been Eating All the Figs. The Instructions on a Pack of Pumpkin Seeds Called for Me (Hereafter Known as "The Farmer") To Thin the Seedlings Soon After Emergence. I Couldn't Do It. They Worked so Hard to Grow Out of the Soil That I Had to Give Them All A Chance to Thrive. And Thrive They Have. The Little Bastards Have Essentially Taken Over the Lower Garden (Hereafter, known as "Nora") And Pushed Everything Off Into a Space The Size of a Rhode Island Postage Stamp. Cucumbers and Beans are Currently Fighting for Sunshine While the Pumpkin Vines are Reaching Over Into Other Gardens and Need Serious Redirection. (And, Look! We've Got a Pumpkin!)  The "Surprise Pumpkin" in All of This Continues to Take Over the East Side of the Small Garden (Hereafter known as "Asta") And Threaten The Health and Well-being of the Hatch Green Chile Plants. Once again, I should have Pulled This Sucker Early, But I Simply Didn't Have the Heart.  About the Only Plants Not Affected By the Continual Advance of the 200-lb Pumpkin Plants are The Borage The Sweet Potatoes The Purple Petite Potatoes and The Basil (Hereafter known as "Basil Rathbone")     "Basil Rathbone" (Seen Above). Just Returned from His Triumphant Tour of the North Counties in "Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Basketballs." The One Potted Plant That Couldn't Seem to Outrun Pumpkin Clutches Was The Garlic. The Pumpkin Threads were Using The Garlic Sprouts To Pull Themselves Across to the Tomato Patch. It's Like Watching A Vegetable Version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." (It's Odd, Because Furious George Argues that The Body Snatchers Are, in fact, Vegetables. He Tried to Order Some Pod Seeds from O'Toole's, but Got Turned Away.) (They're on Back Order with the Big Box Stores -- Seems There's Been Quite a Run on Pod People in Washington.)  How The Garlic Escaped All This, I Just Don't Know. In The Upper Garden (Hereafter known as Nick -- or "Neeeck" as Young Otis Gumpox Calls It) We've Got Slowly Growing Tomato Plants That Are Receiving Special Attention.  And Some Slowwwwly Growing Plants That Require Special Dispensation from The Vatican. (Becky and Mr. Bitterman Have Been Adding Egg Shells And Coffee Grounds for the Spindly 'Maters In the Hopes That They'll Think It's Breakfast and Wake Up.)  On the Other Hand, The Acorn Squash Have Caught Fire And Are Growing Well Thanks to Regular Miracle Gro Liquid Feedings.  Lately, We've Had a Family of "Crow Buddies" Visiting 2-4 Times Daily. They're Not Bothering the Gardens, But Have Loved the Cheez-It Cheese Crackers We've Left Out For Them Daily. Young Otis Gumpox (Just Off Stage Left in This Picture) Has Been Trying All Afternoon To Convince the Crows to Share Their Cheez-Its. So Far, No Joy. 
Dear Kellogg's: If Anyone There in Battle Creek Would Like to Send a Year's Supply of Cheez-It Baked Snack Crackers in Order to Save The Bank Account of A Poor Backyard Farmer, You Can Reach Me Through The Comments Section of this Here Blog. Mmmmm. Cheez-It. Personally Endorsed by Young Otis Gumpox. |
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