Mr. Bitterman's Garden
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FARM FILM REPORT -- JULY 6, 2018

7/6/2018

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Somewhere, buried in the closet about four feet away, is a picture of my Grandmother Moody standing in front of tomato plants. They dwarf her. That always impressed me. She always seemed to me to be a giant of a woman, but could just be a kid's perspective. (Although I never thought that of my other Grandmother, who was basically 4 foot nothin' and whom I passed in height on like my 7th birthday or something. Naturally, I got the "grow" genes from her, so I'm 5'5" on a good day, and shrinking.)
Anyway, I wish I could find that picture, because that's what got me interested in gardening in the first place. She was, obviously, a great gardener. Then, my mother informed me that, no, it wasn't her, it was my grandfather, who grew such a great garden every year. He grew up on a farm. It was in his blood.
What he did with that background and talent was to grow tomato plants that made Grandma Moody look like an Oompa-Loompa. 
I wanted to do that.
And this year, I did.
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Here's me standing.
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Here's me leaping. (I don't leap like I used to …)
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And what did we get from all this growth? Yes -- two little tomatoes. Which I now figure cost us $123.50 apiece.
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Still, I've gotta admit, I'm pretty happy with everything, as the tomato plants now dwarf me, a simple accomplishment, but, hey, and, we've got tons of flowers, so I'm expecting a good crop.

As for the cauliflower, they got away from us while we were on vacation and went from small heads to tall, flowering, really ugly looking plants in the course of 10 days. They are a wash, which was just fine with Mr. Bitterman as he hates cauliflower.

Furious George, on the other hand, hates broccoli, which he says is a Republican trait since President George H.W. Bush turned up his nose at it during his administration. Furious it seems, doesn't have a problem with potato -- or -- potatoe, as he thinks Dan Quayle was an idiot, Republican or not.

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Furious George Keeps an Eye Out for the Bat Shit Crazy Neighbors. When They Hit the Back Porch, it is, Officially, Cocktail Time.
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And, Mr. Bitterman Does his Impersonation of the White Rock Girl (Look It Up) While Showing Off Our New Water Feature. (Which lasted about three days before George drove the Lawn Guy's mower through it … He claims it was jet-lag from the flight back from Budapest.
(Yes, they went too. Viking River Cruises will never be the same.)

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Oh, yes. Since this is titled "Farm Film Report," go see "Ant Man and the Wasp." Furious George gave it 4 Flung Poo's Out of 5. (You oughta see what he gives Fox News.)
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    Greg Moody is the long-time Critic-at-Large in Denver, CO. He has developed a love of raised bed gardening with the help of his simian assistant, Mr. Bitterman.

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