Mr. Bitterman's Garden
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The Hammock -- She's 'a Growin'

7/23/2020

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If You Recall from Our Last Episode,
The Pumpkin Caught in the Tree
Required a Little Hammock to Protect Its Stalk.
(Here It Rests Comfortably)
​

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Problem is,
I Believe Him to Be
One of Those Two-Hundred Pound Mammoths
That Mr. Bitterman Insisted on Buying This Year
As He Wanted a Jack-O-Lantern
That "Made a Statement."

(Well, Hernia or Not, HE'S the One
Who Is Going to Be Hefting
This Sunzabitch Around Come October.)


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Bitterman Has Also Taken to Sowing Fries Along the Sidewalk,
All in the Hopes of Attracting New "Crow Buddies" to the Yard.

(Thank God He's Not Thinking That Sowing These Would Reap Potatoes.
We'd Have to Get Him Into One of Those Presidential Cognitive Tests.)
("That, my good sir, is an Elly-font!")


One of the Crows is Spelling Out Words in the Fries.
With this "Ey!" We're Starting to Call Him "The Fonz."


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​
Here is The Fonz,
Beginning His Daily Message to Mr. Bitterman.
It Has Progressed Beyond "Ey,"

To Chemical Formulas Necessary for Nuclear Fusion.
We Might Be Onto Something Here.
​
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Meanwhile, Everything is Growing
At a High Rate of Speed.
The Pumpkins Had to Be Cut Back
As They Were Blocking the Water
From Everybody Else.
And, We've Got a Beautiful Collection of Cucumbers Going.
(Not That You Can See Them.)
​

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Wait a Minute. Oh, There They Are ...

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(I Keep Losing Them Among the Ornamental Squash.)
​

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Mr. Bitterman Keeping a Close Eye
On His Crow Buddies,
In Case They Spell Something 
That Offends His Delicate Sensibilities.
(Or, If They Decide to Sell
Their Fry Formulas to the Russians,
​Chinese or Sonic Drive In)
​
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Meanwhile,
Furious George Finished
His Decorative Fountain 
For the President.
Federal Agents Will Pick It Up
Today in Unmarked Vans.
And, Maybe, Furious Himself.
(Just So the President Can Congratlulate
Him on the Lifelike Image.)
​

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Young Otis Gumpox is
Learning to Drive.
Truth be Told, I Didn't Know
We Were Growing Bananas.
​And that Background Ain't Our Yard.
​
​
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Meanwhile,
I'm Just Hoping
We Have
A Bumper Crop of Potato(e)s
This Year.

​Onto the Garden!

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    Greg Moody is the long-time Critic-at-Large in Denver, CO. He has developed a love of raised bed gardening with the help of his simian assistant, Mr. Bitterman.

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