Mr. Bitterman's Garden
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Uhhhhh … Ya Know Them Punkins I Told You About?

7/7/2020

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The Instructions on a Pack of Pumpkin Seeds
Called for Me (Hereafter Known as "The Farmer")
To Thin the Seedlings Soon After Emergence.

I Couldn't Do It.
They Worked so Hard to Grow Out of the Soil 
That I Had to Give Them All
A Chance to Thrive.

And Thrive They Have.
​
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The Little Bastards Have Essentially Taken Over the Lower Garden
(Hereafter, known as "Nora")
And Pushed Everything Off Into a Space
The Size of a Rhode Island Postage Stamp.

Cucumbers and Beans are Currently Fighting for Sunshine
While the Pumpkin Vines are Reaching Over
Into Other Gardens and Need Serious Redirection.
(And, Look! We've Got a Pumpkin!)
​
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The "Surprise Pumpkin" in All of This
Continues to Take Over the East Side of the Small Garden
(Hereafter known as "Asta")
And Threaten The Health and Well-being
of the
Hatch Green Chile Plants.

Once again, I should have Pulled This Sucker
Early,
But I Simply Didn't Have the Heart.
​

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About the Only Plants Not Affected
By the Continual Advance of the 200-lb Pumpkin Plants
are
The Borage
The Sweet Potatoes
The Purple Petite Potatoes
and
The Basil
(Hereafter known as "Basil Rathbone")
​ 

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"Basil Rathbone" (Seen Above). Just Returned from His Triumphant
Tour of the North Counties
in
"Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Basketballs."
​

The One Potted Plant
That Couldn't Seem to Outrun Pumpkin Clutches
Was
The Garlic.
The Pumpkin Threads were Using
The Garlic Sprouts
To Pull Themselves Across to the Tomato Patch.

It's Like Watching A Vegetable
Version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

(It's Odd, Because Furious George Argues that The Body Snatchers
Are, in fact, Vegetables. He Tried to Order Some Pod Seeds from
O'Toole's, but Got Turned Away.)

(They're on Back Order with the Big Box Stores --
Seems There's Been Quite a Run on Pod People in Washington.)
​
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How The Garlic Escaped All This, I Just Don't Know.

In The Upper Garden
(Hereafter known as Nick -- or "Neeeck" as Young Otis Gumpox Calls It)
We've Got Slowly Growing Tomato Plants
That Are Receiving Special Attention.
​
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And Some Slowwwwly Growing Plants That Require
Special Dispensation from The Vatican.
(Becky and Mr. Bitterman Have Been Adding Egg Shells
And Coffee Grounds for the Spindly 'Maters
In the Hopes That They'll Think It's Breakfast and Wake Up.)
​
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​

On the Other Hand,
The Acorn Squash Have
Caught Fire 
And Are Growing Well
Thanks to Regular Miracle Gro Liquid Feedings.
​

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Lately, We've Had a Family of "Crow Buddies"
Visiting 2-4 Times Daily.
They're Not Bothering the Gardens,
But Have Loved the Cheez-It
​Cheese Crackers
We've Left Out For Them Daily.

Young Otis Gumpox (Just Off Stage Left in This Picture)
Has Been Trying All Afternoon
To Convince the Crows to Share
Their Cheez-Its.

So Far, No Joy.
​
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Mr. Bitterman has Foregone Any Efforts
to Convince the Crows to Give Up 
Treats. He's just Been Taking Them
And Sharing Them with Roscoe.
​

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While Furious George Has Determined
To Dive Deep into His 
Ancestry.
He is Four Movies Into the MGM
"Tarzan" Series.
And While He Thinks Weissmueller
is Ridiculous,
He Does Love How The Movies Portray
His Uncle "Einar"
(Hereafter Known as "Cheeta")
​
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Young Otis Gumpox
(Hereafter Known as Young Otis Gumpox)
Is Seen ​Ignoring Warning
Caws from the Crows and Heading
For "The Great Cheez-It Roundup"

(Cheez-It Cheese Crackers Is a Registered
Product of The Kellogg Company
​ Through Their
Sunshine Biscuit Division.)

Though They Aren't Necessarily Designed
As Dog, Chimp or Crow Treats,
They Work Wonderfully Well
With All Three.
And,
You've Got to Admit -- 
They're Awfully Tasty

Dear Kellogg's: If Anyone There in Battle Creek Would Like to Send a Year's Supply of Cheez-It Baked Snack Crackers in Order to Save The Bank Account of A Poor Backyard Farmer, You Can Reach Me Through The Comments Section of this Here Blog.
Mmmmm. Cheez-It. 
​Personally Endorsed by Young Otis Gumpox.
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    Greg Moody is the long-time Critic-at-Large in Denver, CO. He has developed a love of raised bed gardening with the help of his simian assistant, Mr. Bitterman.

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