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Okay. So the Photo is A little cockeyed, but, at this point in 2020, aren't we all? All three Gardens, Nick, Nora and Asta, Continue to go Great Guns. Asta and Nora are the Best, With Nora's Pumpkins Taking Over the Yard (23!) And Asta's Chiles Providing a Bumper Crop (52 and Counting!) Also, Look Closely And You Can See Young Otis Gumpox Riding His Mighty Dog Wrigley Through the South 40 (Square Feet)  The Slow Movers This Season Have Been the Bigger Variety of Tomatoes. They've Been Growing in Nick, the Upper Garden, And Have Taken Forever to Get Going. (Depleted Soil? Low Acid to Start? Not Sure.) (This Will Be a Re-Building Winter, For Sure.) Here it is, August 30 and Our First Beefsteak (At Least, I Think It's the Beefsteak, Everything Got Mixed Up in the Green House) Is just Barely Starting to Grow. One Fellow Looks to Have Been Attacked Another Seems to Have Been Exposed to Radiation.  Also, after a Season FREE, Free, I tell you, Of Japanese Beetles, The Little Bastards Have Come Back in a Cloud. We've Been Hand Plucking them Off the Basil and Chiles, Keeping Them From Sending Off Attractant Pheromones (When They're Squished) We've Then Invited Them to Swim in Our Community Pool with Dawn (tm) Added in. I Know, I Should Have More Concern For All of God's Creatures, But I Draw the Line at These Ass-Hats.  Despite the Wicked Attempts of Insects And The Great Horse Wrigley To Eat Every Growing Thing, We've Had a Pretty Good Crop This Year. Chiles are Outrageous, As are the Sweet 100s (Container Grown) And We're Now Getting the Yellow GE Lightbulb Tomatoes. We've Also Done Well on Cucumbers, But About Half Have Been Really Bitter. Gonna Have to Look Into That.  Early This Morning, Both Looking Somewhat the Worse for Wear, Mr. Bitterman's New Assistant, Brynn, Joined Me in the Harvest. She's Fresh From LA and Tested Negative, So, Bitterman is Letting Her Harvest What He Doesn't Want to Carry Up to the House. As You Can See, Pumpkins and Acorn Squash Are Starting to Reach The Picking Point.  This is What Has Been Passing For Joy and Surprise Around Here. Bitterman Simply Wanders Off to Chew On Another Leaf. I'm Not Sure What They Are. He Says They Came From Peru.  Meanwhile, When He's NOT Chewing on "Bitterman's Special Leaves," He's Putting Up Posters of Winston Churchill Exhorting the Plants to "Grow, Damn You!" As Only Winston Can Say It. All but the Tomatoes Seem to Listen.  Furious George Has Spent His Summer Learning About Wine With The Bat-Shit Crazy Neighbors. It's in a Nice Glass, Sure, But That Shit Came Out of a Box. (I've Known Those Neighbors Too Damned Long.) Furious is Convinced We'll Grow Both Wine Grapes And Bananas Next Year. Bitterman Told Him To Keep Drinking and Dreaming.  Young Otis Gumpox has Spent The Hot (95+) Afternoons Watching Old Hopalong Cassidy Movies. He's Now In a Heavy Western Phase. Shooting Bad Guys Only in the Hand And Then Riding Off to The Melody Ranch For a Song or Two with Gene Autry. Furious George Refuses to Play His Smiley Burnette. (This Was His First Horse, "Topper," Before the Mighty Steed "Wrigley' Showed Up From LA)  This Is Young Otis Gumpox's New Buddy, A Pitty-Lab Mix Named Wrigley. He's Saddle Broken and a Sweet Ride for Young Otis. As Long as the Hopalong Cassidy Cowboy Outfit Doesn't Come With Spurs We Should Be Fine.  Now, THAT is a Happy Dog!
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When All This Nonsense Began, The Little Birdhouse Was Standing Upright, The Gardens Were Empty And It Was Easy to Traverse The Backyard.  Now, Even Roscoe Can't Find His Way Through (Yes, He's In There Somewhere) And, No Matter How Much He Pees On Pumpkin Leaves, They Continue To Grow Completely Out of Control. (I Must Say, The Container Basil is Doing Exceptionally Well!)  So Are the Sweet Potatoes, Which Came as a Bit of a Surprise, As I Grew Them From Seed Potatoes, Something I Had Never Done Before And Was Basically Guessing At the Process.  Godzilla Appears to Have Lost the Gnome Among The Acorn Squash. (At Least 4 This Year, Possibly 8 if the Season Goes Long.)  This is Vlad's Garden. He's the Furless Sphinx Grandcat That Likes to Explore Gardens. (With Spotters at Every Conceivable Exit.) His Wanderings Tend to Drive Young Otis Gumpox Crazy.  As a Former Employee of GE (We Bring Good Things to Light) I Have Been Contracted to Grow These Lightbulb Tomatoes. They'll Eventually Turn Yellow And Give the Company Another Green Initiative to Point At While Hoping Everyone Ignores All the Other Stuff They Do.  And For Those Of You Who Were Wondering: The Tree Pumpkin Continues to Grow. Last Time I was Down There I Had to Adjust the Bungee. It Seems the Bungee Had Lost Its Bounce. Bitterman is Convinced the Tree Groaned for a Moment Under the Weight As He Passed By.  We're Trying to Be Careful With Water Usage, As We're In the Middle of a Big Damned Drought. Furious George Is Convinced It Would be Cheaper and Safer to Switch Over to Vodka As Fish Have "Relations" in Water. I Don't Think We'll Go That Far, But, I May Join Him.
Young Otis Gumpox Finished "The Umbrella Academy 2" Last Night. He's Now Determined to Write His Own Thriller-Sci-Fi-Comic-Drama-Fantasy-Time-Jumping-Series, "The Colorado Home for the Exceptionally Mundane." He Has Great Hopes. (Ah, the Foolishness of the Young Writer.) (Though, I Hope He Does Mention Me When He Wins an Emmy.)  As for Mr. Bitterman, He's Tired of Readjusting Hoses and Sprinklers Every 30-Seconds. So, He Just Bought a New Water Feature.  The Stalin Fountain Goes Well With the Vladimir Lenin Fountain Bitterman Found in Warsaw Last Year.  If He Gets Malenkov, Khrushchev And Brezhnev, We'll Have the Whole Set of Early Soviet Leaders!  |
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