Mr. Bitterman's Garden
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Meanwhile …

7/10/2020

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In Our Last Episode,
We Investigated the Jungle of Nora,
Where Pumpkin Leaves the Size Of
Brazilian Gunnera Manicata Leaves Grow.
​
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With That In Mind,
Professor Michael King
Decided to Perform an Experiment:
Releasing an Ill-Tempered Sphinx Cat
Into One End of the Garden
In Order to See Where He Came Out.

When He Does, 
We'll Let You Know.

And Professor King
Can Climb In
To Find All the Little Surprises Said Cat Has Left Behind.

​The Creature in Question:
​(Note the Condition of the Top Sheet)
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Meanwhile, While the Cat Was Away,
The Beans Took Off.
We've Got a Great Crop of Green Beans
​Among the Acorn Squash …
​

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… And, the Beginnings of Acorn Squash Among the Green Beans.
​
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With That in Mind,
We Also Made Our First Harvest Today
Wax Beans.
They're Real Beans,
But They're Wax.
Not Like Paraffin Wax,
But Wax Beans.
Not Like The Wax Fruit Grandma
Had in the Bowl on Her Dining Room Table
That You Ate and Barfed for a Full Afternoon,
But Real Wax Beans.
Beans.
Not Wax.
​Wax Beans!
(Oh, for God's Sake, Ignore the Wax Part!)
​
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During Our Gardening Intermission,
Furious George Had Decided
To Help the Postal Service
Get People to Use the Correct
Zip Code on their Cards and Letters
And Packages.

Hell, It's Easier Than Getting Them to Wear
A Goddamned Face Mask.
​
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And, While We Have a Break in the Action
Before Harvest,
Mr. Bitterman
Has Traveled to The Red Barn Theatre
in Saugatuck, Michigan
In Order to Star With
Mr. Kirk Swenk
in the new Musical Version of
"Death of a Salesman."

As Woolly Loman,
Mr. Bitterman Gets to Sing
Such Show Stoppers as:
"Let's See What I Have in My Bag"
"Won't You Please Buy Something, I'm Dying"

"Why Are the Police Here?"​

And, Young Otis Gumpox Has Decided to Stick Around Here
And Pick Up Where Furious Left Off.
He Pretends to Drink Martini's
With the Bat Shit Crazy Neighbors.
Then, He Excuses Himself,
Goes Inside,
And Steals All Their Toilet Paper.

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Well, At Least Now We Know
Who Has Been Eating
​All the Figs.

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    Greg Moody is the long-time Critic-at-Large in Denver, CO. He has developed a love of raised bed gardening with the help of his simian assistant, Mr. Bitterman.

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