Gardening Hacks #35-36-37-38

Uncle Joe Finally Discovers His Raison D'etre

​Gardening Hack #35: Freshen up cranberry juice rehydration aid with more vodka. Skip sweetened lime and cranberry juice. Find that you are talking more sweetly with the seedlings. Finish re-hydration.


Gardening Hack #36: Stand on top of your compost pile behind the fence and tell the people passing on the bike path that you're not wearing any pants. Tell police that it must have been your neighbor doing it, because he's all kinds of batshit crazy.


Gardening Hack #37: Bend PVC pipes into hoops over garden to facilitate hail protection. Let go of one before fully attached, watch it sail over fence onto the bike path. React to cries of alarm. Hurry into house for more "cranberry juice" and to set up an "I was watching Netflix" alibi.

​Gardening Hack #38: Order a special ornamental fountain for your garden to give it a personal touch. I got mine online at "allthingsStalin.commie."