A New Garden Gnome to Piss Off the Bat Shit Crazy Neighbor
It seems both Mr. Bitterman and Furious George were getting bored with the decorations in the garden over the past two years. Buddha, a malevolent Garden Gnome, a Frog Drinking Coffee, Godzilla Eating Gnomes and a variety of spinners and sun catchers. (I'm catching on to this old man shit really well -- tchotchkes everywhere!)
The boys were getting bored and since I had pretty much gone through all of O'Toole's inventory of Garden Frippery, I went on a search and came up with this: an abandoned Hollywood statue from some sand and sandal epic -- maybe "Gods of Egypt" or "The Ten Commandments" or "Beach Blanket Bingo," I dunno.
Anyway ... Bitterman and Furious ran out to the location with the Bat Shit Crazy Neighbor's Pickup Truck and hauled it home.
(By the time The BSCN reported the truck missing, they were already back and watching reruns of "Charmed," leaving the cops to wonder if the BSCN really was BSC as he demanded they arrest "the monkey" next door.)
I think it makes a delightful, somewhat pagan, addition to the garden, even if it does take up 3/4 of the yard. Seeing as how an Egyptian Ram God (I think it's Khnum) will be staring into the neighbor's yard during his Easter Celebration this weekend, it should make for a delightful show.
The Incubators Are a' Hoppin'! (Looks like Donuts. Mmmm. Donuts.)
I don't think I'm as early as I have been in the past, but I have been busy at it, setting up my MR GREEN JEANS SEED STARTER KIT (WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY BUNNY RABBIT AND (THE LATE) MR. MOOSE) and planting away.
We've got 16 Tomato Plants started, including Cherokee Purple, Box Car Willie, Roma, Big Beef Hybrid and Beef Steak. I'm really hoping to get the Cherokee Purples going this season as I've come to love heirloom tomatoes.
We've also got jalapenos, pumpkin, sunflowers, 3 types of cucumbers, beans (Corona Beans and Christmas Limas so far, more to come), as well as acorn squash. We'll add Anaheim Chiles and other fun things to the mix as they become available.
And -- the seeds are sprouting.
Well, at least one is ...
Oh, Sweet Mystery of Life at Last I've Found You!
I think it's a sunflower that is making the first appearance this season. At least I hope it is, and not that strange plant I found in the yard following a total eclipse of the sun. (See below. The toughest part was finding that size Maxwell House can.)
Little Bastard Went for My Finger This Morning
This year, we're not going to have the problem of what seeds got planted where, as I have figured out how to use the plot sheet that came with the DONALD J. TRUMP "YOU TOO CAN BE A CELEBRITY SEED STARTER" KIT -- CORPORATE FARMER EDITION.
I marked the top of the seed starter, then filled in the plot, getting everything started just the way I wanted to do it.
Don't Worry -- I Know What It Says ... oh, it's upside down.
It all makes perfect sense to me. Now, as long as I don't lose the sheet, or accidentally put the cover of the incubator back on incorrectly, then we should have a good chance of knowing what we're planting this year in Nick and Nora.
And they -- as you can see -- are both ready to go.
Perfect Weather! As Long As We Don't Get --
It is, after all, Colorado. This is a distinct possibility.
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