An Ill Wind Blows ...

Remember the Other Day?
Like, three days ago,
When it was only 101-degrees?
Then, 97?
Then 91?
​

Well, Today it is 39.
With Low Tonight of 28.
What One of the Local Weather Jockeys
LOVES to Call:
"A Killer Frost! Did you Hear What I Said?
KILLER!
​

Which is Par for the Course in Colorado.
We've Had this Happen Before.
It Will Happen Again, and, Likely, More Often, Given Climate Change.

And, So, We Covered Everything
With 9x25x2 Tarps
From Amazon,
(Who Now, Pretty Much, Own My Life)
And We Harvested Everything We Could.

Will the Late Tomatoes Make It Through
"The Killer Frost?"
Lord only Knows.​

(Though, Once We Had the Plastic Sheeting in Place,
Fighting the Wind Every Step of the Way,
The Weather Noodge Told Us to Use "Breathable" Tarps.

There is No Winning with These Folks.
(I Think They Wait to Tell Us These Things
Because They Have a  Kickback Deal With Amazon.)
​

We Harvested Everything that Even Looked Close,
From Petite Purple Potatoes 
To Hatch Chiles (68 now and Counting!)
A Few Tomatoes
(They're Still Slow)
And a Few Last Cukes and Acorn Squash.

And, of Course,
Ten Quadzillion Pumpkins

You May Recall the "Bungee Baby"
Who Was Growing Through the Limbs of the Pine Tree?
He Had Turned Bright Orange
So We Saved Him From a Frozen Fate.
​

He's the Bright Orange Pumpkin
In the Upper Left
Of This Photo.
(Had to Save Him!)
​

I'm Hoping We Get More,
Especially From the Tomatoes,
But We'll Have to See.

It Has Been One Short and Screwy Season
Down on the Farm.
​

Speaking of Tomatoes,
It Seems that Young Otis Gumpox
Has Been Tasting All the Red Ones He Finds
To Make Sure They're Ripe.

We Spent An Afternoon Explaining to Him Why
This Was Not a Proper
Attitude in Backyard Farming
​

Not a Single One
of the Garden Guard Dogs
Bothered to Step in
And Stop Otis From Eating the Tomatoes.

I'm Not Sure
What Deal They've Cut
But It Must Be Something Good

Furious George Had the Bright Idea of Buying
A "Little Firebug Just My Size Flame Thrower."
He Decided to Sit Under the Plastic and Touch It Off
Whenever the Temp Got
​A Little Too Chilly for the Plants.

It Was a Great Idea,
Even Through We Had to Cut Him Out of a Well-Sealed Package
Of Plastic Wrap
Come Tuesday Morning.

As for Mr. Bitterman, He Was Momentarily Upset
With Furious and the Flame Thrower,
But Seeing that His Drunken Assistant
Was Suddenly Vacuum-Packed,
Wanted to Leave Him Til
Spring, When We Could Open Furious "Fresh."

We Couldn't Do It.
They'' Just Have to Learn to Get Along
And Watch Each Other's Shows
in the Basement all Winter.

At the Moment it's Between "Love Island" and "The Donna Reed Show."

Also, While We Did Turn
The Main Sprinklers Off,
We Forgot to Check the Line
To Our Stalin "Little Dictator"
Water Feature.
​

It Not Only Froze Uncle Joe,
But Frizzed his Hair
And Made Him Look
Suspiciously 
Like
Albert Einstein.

Now, If You'll Excuse Me,
I've Got to Start
The Gas Grill
With Furious George's Flame Thrower.

See You Next Week.
Likely, From High in a Tree
In the Next County.